So I'm going to share something will all of you that may be more than you ever wanted to know, but oh, well. Here goes.
When I was pregnant with Katarina (my third), I had some serious depression issues. I went on medication and started a cognitive behavioral program to help me through things. I learned a lot and ended up being happier than I could remember being since I was like 12. I guess I never realized how down I had been until I had a good "up" to compare it to.
Well, things are going pretty good for me now. I feel like I'm on a good, even keel and generally in control of my emotions (well, I'm still a girl, so I guess that means I'm not ALL that in control, but you get the drift). Every so often, however, I have a down day and it is very hard for me. On those days I tend to question everything--what is wrong with me? Am I on the right dosage of medication? Why am I such a witch?! Why can't I just be normal and happy? Have I gotten enough sleep lately? Do I need to eat more? Do I need to eat less? Is it because I'm still over my normal weight? Why am I such an ingrate?
You get the idea.
But I read a talk from General Conference by Elder Christofferson. (for those of you not of my faith, general conference is a big meeting/broadcast that we have twice a year and Elder Christofferson is an apostle.) He spoke of having the strength to overcome trials. One thing that stuck out to me was this: "In times of distress... let your obedience be exact. Then you can ask in faith, nothing wavering, according to your need, and God will answer. He will sustain you as you work and watch. In His own time and way He will stretch forth his hand to you, saying, 'Here am I'."
I decided to try to apply this to my situation.
Instead of thinking of the depression as something I brought on myself, I thought of it as a trial. I didn't seem able to make myself happy, but I could certainly choose how I would act regardless of how I felt inside. I focused on being kind in all my conversation. I stopped the negative thinking that often tempted me and tried to replace it with true and uplifting thoughts. I acted as happy as I could under the circumstances. Then I just had faith that I was doing all I could and the Lord would make up for the rest. You know what? That was the most liberating thing. I stopped focusing on how "evil" I was for being depressed, and instead focused on the things that it was in my power to change. It reminds me of that saying "God grant me the strength to the change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference." (I'm sure I didn't quote that exactly, but you get the idea.)
I'm not listing this as the end-all, be-all solution for depression. I just wanted to share with you my experiences in the hopes that it will help and uplift someone else who struggles like me.
5 comments:
That was a great talk. I really enjoyed it too. I'm glad it has made such a difference. That counsel is something that we can all benefit from. Thanks for the reminder!
Wow, I'm so glad you shared that! Sometimes that can be hard to put something so personal out there to the world, but I really enjoyed/appreciated it. I have had some similar issues here and there (all of us girls do, right!?!?) so I will definitely keep that in mind and try it in my own life. I remember that talk, but I didn't hear it in that perspective. Thanks! I'm so glad something helped you!
I love you Mel! Thank you so much for sharing that. Heavenly Father really does love all of us.
I really appreciate you writing that too, I think it's easy for Women to blame themselves for their bad feelings etc etc and just feel worse then ever and be brought down further and further..probably the good ol father of lies working in us sometimes I would say but this is a great idea strategy to deal with things I think lately I feel my emotions more eradic and am feeling blue about a horrible bathing suit picture of me I just looked at so your post is really a great help to hear today :). I think you look great though from seeing you and your posts and are doing great as a Mom I'm glad somebody else feels like I do sometimes too though. I wouldn't have thought you would have reason too! Thanks for posting something personal and helpful!
I'm glad you shared this. I'll have to go read that talk...I must've been a bit distracted when it was on live (hmm, wonder why?). Anyway, I think that's an amazing attitude and perspective and I'm going to try to do the same when I have a down day. I think you're awesome!!
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